When Friendships Start To Fade -by Taha Tariq

 There’s this weird kind of pain that comes when a close friendship starts fading - not with an argument or some big falling-out, but with silence. It’s quiet. Subtle. One day you’re sending each other reels and talking about life, and then suddenly it’s been weeks. You check your phone and realize they haven’t replied. Or maybe you haven’t texted either - not because you didn’t want to, but because it started to feel like you were the only one who cared.

That kind of fade hurts in a different way. It's not just about missing them. It's about mourning something that’s technically still there, just not the way it used to be. You keep thinking: did I do something wrong? Was there a moment where everything shifted? Or did life just naturally pull us apart? No one tells you that friendship grief can feel just as real as a breakup. But it absolutely does.

Part of it is that there’s no closure. No conversation that says, “Hey, I think we’ve grown apart.” You’re left with unsent texts, half-finished memories, and a bunch of screenshots of fun times that don’t make sense anymore. It's especially rough when the friendship used to be your lifeline. You’d vent to them, laugh with them, rely on them. And now... silence.

Studies back up how fragile and time-dependent friendships can be. One from the University of Kansas found that it takes about 50 hours to go from acquaintance to friend, 90 hours to become real friends, and more than 200 hours to become close ones (Hall, 2018). That’s a lot of time and when you stop investing it, the bond starts slipping. Especially in high school or college, where life changes so fast, it’s easy for friendships to fall through the cracks without either of you intending it.

But even knowing all that, it doesn’t make it less painful. When you're always the one reaching out, checking in, asking how they’ve been - and they stop matching your energy - it chips away at your self-worth. You start wondering if they ever cared as much as you did. You overthink every message you didn’t send and every one they never replied to.

Dr. Marisa Franco, in her book Platonic, says something that hits hard: “Friendship is a mutual agreement to be invested in each other.” If you're the only one still showing up, it’s no longer friendship - it's just emotional labor (Franco, 2022). And sometimes, for your own peace, you have to stop trying. You have to let it go. Not because you’re bitter, but because you deserve effort too.

But here’s the thing: fading doesn’t mean it was fake. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a chapter, and that’s okay. That chapter still shaped you. It taught you how to love, how to let go, and how to move on with grace and who knows maybe, in some other season, they’ll find their way back.


Works Cited
Hall, J. A.. “How many hours does it take to make a friend?” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2018

Franco, M.. Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends. 2022

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